Already got asked if we're dating
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
