so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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