Cold hands, warm shart.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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