so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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