Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
