Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm too high and old for this...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
