i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
My penis needs a shock collar
Randomize
