what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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