i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
