I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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