she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
