Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
