I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
It's just like the Real World with babies
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
