Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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