Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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