In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
