Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
