his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
