Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
soo... how was my night?
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