the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
