The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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