Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
