im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
