about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
