guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize