did you get engaged???
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
