I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
