he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
