2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
