We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
