I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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