Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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