how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
