I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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