Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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