The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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