You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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