i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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