i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I checked into jail on foursquare
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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