after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
