Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
