I skipped work to stalk him.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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