Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
i think im in europe. pls send help
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
