Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
