just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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