Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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