Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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