i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
