Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
