So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I just want nice things and good sex
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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