i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
God I need to hump something, right now.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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