she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize