I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Randomize
