so that wasnt chicken after all
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
