i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He felt like a one man threesome
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
