I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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