just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
