i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
