oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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