we made out on top of his cat.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
