Your face is a jimmy john
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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