Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
