When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
