Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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