I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
