He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
