My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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