Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
