when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
