should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Ladies don't puke and tell
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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