I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
