She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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