First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
