a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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