You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
