when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
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He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
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I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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