dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
